Every so often I have what I like to call "Leaves on trees" moments. Where for some reason my contacts are so great that I can see all the leaves on the mountains. Which might be normal for some people, but I have really bad eye sight, so growing up I didn't know that trees could look like that. To me they were always just big blobs. Then when I first got glasses I looked across the street and said "OH look! There are leaves on that tree!" I'm sure you've heard this story from many people, pretty much anyone who has glasses has experienced this.
But this has been happening for me lately, and not just with my vision. But with my view of my life. I'm seeing things that I didn't notice before. I'm seeing things clearly. Its really nice to have a very clear picture in my head of the things I want and the things I will be doing with my life. I'm always open and flexible, but knowing what I want means it is easier for me to set goals and achieve them.
On the flip side, knowing exactly what I want also has been causing me anxiety. What if I don't achieve my goals? What if I fail? What if I never get to do these things I so badly want? What if I never get to be in love again? What if, what if, what if. And I know these are not rational thoughts, but they are still there. Going for my goals in spite of the what ifs. That is what is required. And I am ready for the challenge!
Also I have a very clear time frame of what I want... graduation in April 2014 is the first thing on this timeline. First and for most in my life is graduating. Maybe thats good, maybe not... I'm finding that I am leaving little room for friends and family because of this. So I suppose balance is something I should work on.
Basically, I am seeing the leaves. All the little pieces that make up my life. I like what I see, and I like what I see in the future. But its time to enjoy and love the now. Because NOW is all I have. The future isn't tangible, its a hope, a goal. I am going to enjoy the goals of today that I have achieved, and the leaves I have in my life right now.
Also Salt Lake City is STUNNING in the fall. I love just driving around and looking at the beautiful place I live in. I am lucky.