Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Love that will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, It will set you free. Be more like the man you were made to be.

What a difference a year makes. 
Thinking about a year ago: Who I was. What I believed. Who I trusted. What I was doing. Where I was. 
I can't believe I have come so far in just a year. And I can't believe I stayed where I was for so long.

Finally standing up for myself. In this year I have stopped believing the lies I was told about who I was and what I was worth. When someone tells you each day to shine a little less, that you aren't worth it. You believe it. Or at least I did. Everyday I stayed in the pattern my life was in, I was picking to shine less, to play small. 
I don't do that anymore. I risk it all. I put everything on the line because that makes me BRAVE, not weak. Standing up for myself makes me a fighter. Crying makes me vulnerable, which takes COURAGE. Admitting I am wrong makes me strong. Being open and asking for feedback and assistance empowers me. 

My life has blossomed in this last year. Its taken a bit, but I can see the results in all aspects of my life. I have been performing literally NONSTOP. I always have a few different jobs going on, a year ago I wasn't booking anything. I have fantastic friends, who call me out, who tell me when I'm not being my best. A year ago I was around people who were ok with average. Who didn't want me to be my best. I have a relationship with my family, where I can talk to them and connect with them. I am happy, everyday is a good day. Everyday I feel good. I don't remember the last time I had an "off" day, or a bad day. 

Letting go hurts. Growing hurts. Thats why we call them "growing pains." But its been worth it. I learned the same lesson over and over. And I finally get it. I was insane for a while (doing the same thing and expecting a different result.) But this last year I've tried new things and I've gotten different results. Not all good, but I've learned. I've grown. I do not feel bitter about anything that has happened. 

And now I have so many goals I want to reach. So much personal growth I hope to experience. I look forward to learning new lessons. So I'm keeping myself open, keeping my heart open. Sometimes I'm a silly girl; I know I have a lot to learn, there are so many ways I could be a better person, and I know life will give me the chance to learn those lessons and develop into a better, stronger person. So maybe I'll feel more "growing pains", but it'll be worth it. I know I'm in a place where I will be challenged, in a place I can grow. I'm surrounded by love and light. I couldn't be luckier. :) 

Happy Valentines day, spend time with those who you love, who love you. Share love, feel love, give love!! 

Love is beautiful, fierce, and strong.
An insatiable, all-consuming fire.
A lion pacing on the red hot embers of desire.
Love is a thirst that's never quenched,
A sacred flame that can't be drenched
By icy showers of sobriety
Or a society
Strangled by notions of propriety.

So what kind of love is this,
This love that dares not speak its name?
This love that hangs its head in shame?
Is this so-called love even worthy of its name?

True love doesn't lie,
It doesn't hide,
And it will never be denied
The right to sing its furious song
In the sad, empty streets from dusk 'til dawn.
Love laughs at fear
And cries out its name for all to hear.

Love is beautiful,
Fierce, and loud.
But most of all,
Love is PROUD!

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