Sunday, January 22, 2012

Do you believe in Magic?

I believe in all things magical. 
I believe in the good. 
I believe in love. 
In laughter. 
I believe in kissing and getting butterfly's. 
In making wishes. 
I believe in twinkle lights and candles. 
I believe that hope beats fear. 
I believe that everyday, I can be better than I was before. 
I believe that everyone should feel beautiful. 
That the good guy will always win in the end. 
I believe in once upon a time and happily ever after. 
I believe love is the most important thing in the world. 
I believe in being silly and acting like a little kid. 
That fairy tales do come true. 
I believe the good out weighs the bad. 
That everything happens for a reason.

Friday, January 20, 2012

These hands are small, I know

For the last two weeks I have been praying. A lot. And I'm talking on my knees before I go to sleep, long talks with God praying. Because as I started this new year I decided to reconnect with God and work on living a more spiritual connected life. I've learned so much in this last year, and I knew that Gods hand had been there/has been there all along. And let me tell you... I have struggled these last two weeks. I have so much joy and gratitude for school, musicals I'm in/will be in, the friends I have, my mother, my father, my apartment, home cooked meals, a working printer (finally), just so many little things. Those things have created such joy for me in this first month of 2012. But since I've been praying and working on connecting with God, I have also felt such an opposition. People have been mean, condescending, rude, unfeeling, thoughtless. I've felt so worn down. I've felt like there have just been so many things happening which are trying to get me to feel like my efforts are worthless. Maybe I need to suck it up, be tougher. But I can't help but think that it isn't a coincidence that I have experienced these things since I started this reconnection. Maybe this is a trial period where in I get to prove that despite discouragement, I will continue with my work. I don't know. Its hard to think that any evil source would really care if I started reconnecting with God... Considering that there are tons of people more connected, more spiritual than I am.  So maybe this is just me being tired from 21 credits, a show, homework; combined with a not positive enough attitude.

I feel discouraged. Hopeful. Small. Tired. Which is so weird because for the first time, I feel like I've got almost everything I want.

"Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." - Joshua 1: 9

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Science and progress, do not speak as loud as my heart

I would very much like to write all my feeling and thoughts.
But there are so many and I can't organize them right now.
I feel very good, very peaceful.
But also just very full of thoughts!
Running through my mind right now:

*When one door closes, another door opens.
*But really when you close one door, you're able to open another.
*Those are two different things.
*You did that for me?!
*I'm so blessed
*Equity points
*Wild Party
*Singing for Jason Robert Brown
*Friends. Friends?
*I made lots of progress
*21 credits...............
*Why do I have such a strong feeling about that all of a sudden??
*You're not nice to me... like ever
*If you only knew
*You encourage me to feel bad. And to feel anxiety.

And ssssssoooooooooo much more. I can't seem to put it all into words.
Thats kinda an awful feeling...
It because I haven't been singing and DANCING.
I've realized how much I express through dance. 
Its a new thing for me, I only discovered it last semester. 

So I'm THRILLED to be starting school, two shows and auditioning for a few more. 
Life is good. I am blessed. And most importantly:
I know who I am. 
I know exactly what I want.
I love who I am.
I am beautiful. 
I am smart.
I am good.
I am on purpose.
I love. 
I love I love I love.