Pages

Saturday, December 31, 2011

The life, The love You'd die to heal. The hope that starts, The broken hearts. You trust, you must confess

I've got another confession to make
I'm your fool
Everyone's got their chains to break
Holdin' you
Were you born to resist, or be abused?

Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?

Or are you gone and onto someone new?

I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn't have
But had no use
I was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose

My heart is under arrest again
But I'll break loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can't choose
I swear I'll never give in
I refuse

Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith?
It's real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must confess

Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith?
It's real, the pain you feel
The life, the love You'd die to heal
The hope that starts
The broken hearts
You trust, you must confess

Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?

I've got another confession my friend
I'm no fool
I'm getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new

Were you born to resist, or be abused?
I swear I'll never give in, I refuse

Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
It's real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must confess

Is someone getting the best
The best, the best, the best of you?



I heard this song today and was blown away by the lyrics. The chorus is simple and explains itself, but until today I hadn't listen to the verses... well mostly because they are screamed so loud I can hardly hear what any of the words are. It can be read in two different ways in my mind. In my mind its half coming from the singer to a person and half from the singer to himself/herself. This line "has someone taken your faith? Its real, the pain you feel. You trust, you must confess." Sums up 2011. Things can be stolen from us. Faith. Plans. Hopes. Trust. What is important is not getting them back, because going back and retrieving what was stolen isn't a good idea. No one would ever walk up to a thief who had just tore apart their house and calmly ask for their belongings back... so why walk back and ask the person who stole something from my heart, to kindly return it? I mean I did try that... FYI it DOESN'T work. But allowing them to grow back; grow back stronger. Allowing hope and trust and faith to grow back is what I found to be important. And its painful. And hard. But in the end I must trust that I'll get it all back. And so much has grown in my life lately, I'm finding it easier and easier to trust, and to have faith in the good. 


I was so deeply touched by this song and I think its because it sums up quite a few months of 2011 for me. 2011 had some amazing moments, moments I would never ever trade. I made fantastic connections and worked really hard to create a life I am proud of, a life I love. But would I ever do it again? Never. Would I ever wish this year on anyone? Nope. I hope most people don't ever experience what I did in this year. Not saying I led a tragic awful life this year, I didn't, but this year I felt more pain than I personally had ever felt before. There were to many sad moments, to many lies, to many bad things. Its only been in the last three, that I've felt like I have had really good moments. Moments worth carrying into 2012. So as I always do I will keep moving forward. And I will never again reflect on 2011 because frankly I didn't like the better half of it. I'll keep these last three months tucked away in my mind and forget the rest. This post isn't meant to be sad; rather I feel emotions of relief, joy, thankfulness. In fact I'm crying as I write this because I couldn't be any happier that I get to let go of 2011. I remember last feb thinking "I'll never be far enough away from this day." And now here I sit, almost a whole year later. Truthfully I'm exhausted. Exhausted doesn't begin to cover it. So I'm happy to be heading into a new year full of lessons learned, newly acquired skills, soul mates, and as a stronger person. My mother often gets worried, thinking things I post have a sad note to them... But have no fear readers, even if my posts are warm and fuzzy, and sunshine, I write with hope. I have hope, and I believe in the magical. I hope you do to. 


I was not born to resist, to be abused. I was born to love. To be loved. To sing and dance and create joy and feel joy. 


"I've got another confession my friend, I'm no fool. I'm getting tired of starting again. Were you born to resist, or be abused? I swear I'll never give in, I refuse."

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Can't you see that you are, a Timestopper?

"I'm gonna make you believe, that is is what love should be"

I have such a love for my friends. My heart feels like its going to burst all the time because I can't believe I've found such amazing people. This is how friendship should be. I am the luckiest :) Thinking about all the amazing people I've gotten to have in my life makes me feel so much love for my life, so much love for them and also very very thankful.

Life has been such a sweet surprise lately. I have had some chances to see how far I've come, how much I've grown. I've dealt with situations lately that would have brought out a bad side of me. But I have been able to calmly just ask. I ask for things I need or want. I ask for the truth. And its amazing to me how people are so willing to give me what I want or need if I just ask from a calm honest place. To actually be able to see those changes is a really great thing for me. It takes some work, changing bad habits. But I have.

I'm still working on trusting. Trusting myself. The thing is, some people are untrustworthy, but I find that often I don't trust myself. I don't trust that I will pick the right thing, the good thing. I don't trust that I will choose the right people to be in my life. So as I'm learning to trust others I'm learning how to trust myself. Also I would like to change the bitterness I feel. I don't feel a whole lot of it truthfully, but there are moments when someone will try and do something sweet for me and my first reaction is to assume its a lie. Or to push away from it. And I see myself, or rather I feel myself, doing that and I try so hard to stop, but I would love to get to the place where I don't even feel that way at all. Because they really are sweet sweet gestures. And when someone goes out on a limb for me, when they risk looking like stupid, just so I can feel special, I shouldn't resist that. My first reaction should be pure appreciation.

One other thing; I find myself being afraid, which keeps me from experiencing amazing things, I'm afraid to look stupid. I'm afraid to look like a total idiot for... well a few things. I'm afraid of believing I could be a performer, because I'll look stupid if I don't land a role. I'm afraid of believing that sweet words and actions are genuine, because I'll look like an idiot if they are lies. Its a reoccurring thought process for me. I have decided this will be my latest "project", I guess. Changing that thought pattern. I will no longer let fear effect my life. Although I do feel like a courageous woman, I can't help but think that life could be that much more amazing if I wasn't afraid sometimes.

Last thought: I find that I often blog about my person progression in life, characteristics I desire to have or hope to change. And I do this because I find that when I put it out there, when I announce to the world that I plan on being better, that I want to have another good quality; it makes it real for me. Because saying it just to myself isn't enough. And also I'm lucky enough to have my best friends read my blog, and when they know what I desire they ALWAYS help me get it. I'm so lucky to have them.

WATCH THIS!!!!! You'll be laughing and smiling I promise!

Saturday, December 10, 2011

I'm offering this simple phrase

I can never have to many candles. In fact I need about 20 more at this current moment.
I can never have to many twinkle lights in my room.
I can never have to much music. 
I could never own to many pairs of flat boots. 
I couldn't own to many colors of nail polish.
Christmas season will never be long enough.

So guess what I'm thankful for?
The candles on my table
The twinkle lights in my room
The music playing through my computer right now
My wonderful flat boots
The bucket of nail polish I have
And the three weeks left of Christmas season.