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Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Filling you with Light, Creativity, All that your Heart should be

This week has been fantastic. I mean I'm only three days into it and I'm already in love with it!

Thoughts:
- Recently someone told me that I'd be ok and ready to spend the rest of my life with one person, and I didn't disagree with this person when it was said. But its been on my mind A LOT lately. Because I don't believe that is true. I let someone tell me something about myself when in reality I don't really feel that way. I believe I will be in a relationship for three to five years before settling down... IF I settle down... the more I experience life the more I love what I have. I LOVE being with my friends, I LOVE doing shows all the time, I LOVE living with one of my best friends, I LOVE freedom, I LOVE being independent. I do not like the idea of "settling down" at all. AT ALL. I do believe in love, above all things I do. But I LOVE music, I LOVE dance, I LOVE people. So isn't that enough? Will it always be enough? I don't know... for now I believe my love for life, music, dance, people, learning, growing is more than enough. Plus broadway keeps calling me and I've got to that before any settling happens ;)

- Its funny how people think so differently about what a "friend" is... is a friend someone we talk to everyday? Someone we can connect with deeply even if we haven't spoken in months? I'm learning what a "friend" really is for me. For me a friend is someone I see often and when I see them we connect on a deep level. Connecting on a deep level isn't always a big emotional ordeal. I just barley deeply connected with a friend over a funny song. But I believe a friend is someone I have a real connection with. If I don't have that, I'd consider me and that person more of like... someone whom I am well acquainted with.

- I couldn't feel more thankful for this fall. I learned so much. I had some amazing movie like moments :) Kissing in the rain, laying in the middle of the street, huge parties, tear filled conversations, romances, break ups, lifelong friends, musical numbers, dance breaks, shows, auditions. I am THE LUCKIEST girl that there ever was.

- Also I can't believe how far I've come. I am proud of myself and the progress I've made. And I am going to enjoy myself for a while... haha that sounds funny, but I FINALLY feel like I'm the girl I've always wanted to be. I'm still me: dramatic, silly, 5, passionate, good. But I am like a bright and shiny version... I mean that in a good way! I just like the person I am and I want to just enjoy being me. I just started feeling this way this last sunday, so before I go making new best friends or dating anyone, I'm going to deepen the friendships I have, rebuild the ones that need some extra TLC, and enjoy the feeling of being a person I like. I still have the goal to end each day as a better person than I was that morning, and I feel like this'll be something I do till my dying day. Because I mean, I'm not Jesus. I still have room to grow :)

I reconnected with an old friend last night/today, someone who really KNOWS me. And it felt very good. Very healthy. AND today I confirmed my auditions for The Wild Party and The Drowsy Chaperone!!!!!!!! I would LOVE to do them both. Wish me luck!

Basically I'm happy!

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