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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

This could be the end of everything, so why don't we go somewhere only we know.

Where does the love once shared between two people go? Does it vanish? Does it slowly fade away? Is that love shifted to a new person, or a new place? How can such intense feelings of passion, joy, love... just disappear?

Its hard to realize that love isn't enough. That despite all the feelings of joy, happiness, passion, in the end it wasn't satisfying. Also its hard to know that what once was, has been given up on. Thought of as not worth the effort. Which does break my heart because for me love is worth all the effort in the world.

I do believe those who let love slip from their hands will regret it. They always do, I always have looked back and wondered if just a little bit larger effort on my part could have kept the love I felt from slipping away.

I'd like to think that the love created doesn't disappear... that when it seems to vanish from our lives it is simply creating something beautiful elsewhere. I do not think love created can ever stop existing. The love once felt for me or by me that is no longer being held in someone's heart or my own heart has not faded, it has not vanished; Instead it is flourishing in some other place. Creating beautiful things, places, music, love, art, friendships. That brings some joy to my heart. And for now, that'll have to do.

Also how sad, that the memories I once adored and that brought me so much joy and light, are now the memories I'd do anything to forget. Because in my world losing love is the greatest tragedy that there ever was. I couldn't disagree more with the phrase "I'd rather have loved and lost then to have never loved at all." Maybe I disagree because I'm young, maybe I'm not that wise yet. But the thing that breaks my heart the most is love lost. In movies, in life, in books. (Hence why I HATE 500 days of summer, Becoming Jane etc)

I pray that love comes back around to create something beautiful in my life. Also I pray for the wisdom to recognize the beautiful things that have already been created and are in the process of forming .

Loving always,
Jessica

3 comments:

  1. Jessica, I wish nothing more than for you to find the love that you wish to find. And the best part is, I know you will. I know it. And as for the love that is "lost," I do not believe it is lost. I believe it changes. Like you said with it going somewhere else and creating beautiful things, I somewhat agree. I believe that the love remains but changes into something different. The love I had for past boyfriends is not the same love I have for them now. I have love for them and will always care for them, but it is more of a friendship and true caring love. Not romantic love. Romantic love, I believe, only goes away when you find someone you love more. I love Brandon more than anyone else, our love is unique from anything I have ever felt and because it is more powerful, more beautiful, more real, and more connected than anything I have felt previously, and because of that I was able to change the love that I had for the others. I hope this helped. It was kind of just rambling.... but it was my thoughts and I hoped that it helped at all. Love you girl. You will find your love someday.

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  2. That's beautiful Lindsea. Thank you for being brave enough to express these feelings. One day you will love bigger, more intensely, with a real man that won't walk out over and over again. A man that will never hurt you, but will want to give you the world. Someone you can admire and trust. Someone that will be the best he can be so he can be worthy of you. It's just really sad that loving someone and giving them everything, including taking a huge chance when they've hurt you so terribly, was really such a powerful expression of how much you loved them. That isn't a small thing. One day they will wake up and say "that girl really loved me" despite all the bad things, but because of the good things. Love is truly a gift and we all want it. It is what makes life worthwhile. Nothing else will ever compare to what it feels like to be completely and unconditionally loved. You will find it because you are a wonderful person. Thanks for sharing Jessica. Many of us have seen how much you loved and thought you deserved someone to love you back that same way. Good luck on your journey.

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  3. Oh Jessica, I am so sorry. I feel for you because I know how hard it is to let go of this love. It was something you fought so hard for for years. I honestly and truly thought this time would be different, that things would change because that love and connection was almost lost through thoughtless, selfish behavior. But you were so open to love again and take a risk because it was worth it to you. How heartbreaking that knowing what was at stake is thought to be worth nothing at all. Your comment "its hard to know that what once was, has been given up on. Thought of as not worth the effort. Which does break my heart because for me love is worth all the effort in the world" is so tender to me. Love is worth everything. It is really the only thing we will take with us . . . the love we have for one another. You have so many really good friends that won't leave just because they see that you are sad or because you need them or if something else comes up. They will be there for you. You know who they are. Real, true, honest, good people. Surround yourself with them because they are love. Your man is out there looking for you right now. All you had to do was close one door and turn to look in another direction. I think you'll be surprised at what you'll find. You have been through so much. Don't forget anything because it is part of your story, but also don't forget how it felt to be forgotten, disrespected and given up on. Because that won't happen to you again. Better things are in your future.

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