Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I'm taking back my life, my life.

I feel like I can't write a blog, post anything on facebook, or basically express any feeling I have.

I feel great happiness and sadness sometimes.

Also I feel sick to my stomach.

And excited.

Facebook and blogging will be going away for me for a while. Its causing to much anxiety. And I'm busy working to create a beautiful life in which I am treated with love and respect. See I was getting neither of those before. So this week I've been taking my power, and changing my life. In some pretty major ways.

"Get out and Stay out" - Changing my life.

Thats all.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

This could be the end of everything, so why don't we go somewhere only we know.

Where does the love once shared between two people go? Does it vanish? Does it slowly fade away? Is that love shifted to a new person, or a new place? How can such intense feelings of passion, joy, love... just disappear?

Its hard to realize that love isn't enough. That despite all the feelings of joy, happiness, passion, in the end it wasn't satisfying. Also its hard to know that what once was, has been given up on. Thought of as not worth the effort. Which does break my heart because for me love is worth all the effort in the world.

I do believe those who let love slip from their hands will regret it. They always do, I always have looked back and wondered if just a little bit larger effort on my part could have kept the love I felt from slipping away.

I'd like to think that the love created doesn't disappear... that when it seems to vanish from our lives it is simply creating something beautiful elsewhere. I do not think love created can ever stop existing. The love once felt for me or by me that is no longer being held in someone's heart or my own heart has not faded, it has not vanished; Instead it is flourishing in some other place. Creating beautiful things, places, music, love, art, friendships. That brings some joy to my heart. And for now, that'll have to do.

Also how sad, that the memories I once adored and that brought me so much joy and light, are now the memories I'd do anything to forget. Because in my world losing love is the greatest tragedy that there ever was. I couldn't disagree more with the phrase "I'd rather have loved and lost then to have never loved at all." Maybe I disagree because I'm young, maybe I'm not that wise yet. But the thing that breaks my heart the most is love lost. In movies, in life, in books. (Hence why I HATE 500 days of summer, Becoming Jane etc)

I pray that love comes back around to create something beautiful in my life. Also I pray for the wisdom to recognize the beautiful things that have already been created and are in the process of forming .

Loving always,

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Love is a many splendored thing, Love lifts us up where we belong, All you need is love!

Lately all I want is to be in love. 
I have ALWAYS been the type of person who loves love. 
I have had this pulling on my heart.
Because I've been head over heels in love and that is the best feeling in the world. 
No applause, no promotion, no role in a show feels as good as being in love.
When all is said and done fame will not bring lasting joy, working will not bring lasting joy
Love is what drives everything. It is where all our favorite songs come from,
Where our favorite dances come from.
Anything that brings joy is centered in and around love. 

But for now I'll enjoy all the beautiful blessing that are filling my life: 
A job that pays me well
Friends I love
An apartment I adore
Abundance that fills my life
Rediscovering faith

I'll enjoy, smile, open my heart, rejoice and be inspired. And I'll hope love finds a way into my life. 

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."