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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Look at what I'm giving, this beautiful creation

I feel very tender lately. I've been crying. And I'm not a big cryer. It takes a lot to get tears from me. I feel like it started with this last Monday being the anniversary of Nicks death. That always brings up so many emotions. Also people often have this need to tell me every bit of information they have about my life. And to be truthful I don't want to know. I don't want to hear about it. What I want is to have a fresh start. To leave old things in the past and only focus on the good things that will be in my future. I truly feel like what I want is for everyone to be happy. Maybe that sounds all warm and fuzzy and fake. But this is what I mean: if each person was happy with who they are and the things they create in their life then there would be no negativity to pass around. There would be no need to have hurt feelings. If everyones goal was to be happy and create happiness, things would be so wonderful. And if we all accepted that every action of an individual is only that which they feel will make them happy, then there would be more understanding in this world. Truth is no one is out to get you. No one is trying to hurt you. We are all just trying to find happiness. I've decided to approach everyday with this in mind. Every conversation. Every time someone says "this person is saying this and this about you." I'm going to remember that everyone is trying to find happiness. We're doing our best. We're all trying to make sense of life. But life is difficult. Things are sad.
We're all still the same sweet 3 year olds inside. We all want to be loved. We all want to love. To be taken care of. And to take care. No matter how rough and tough someones exterior or persona they have, inside everyone wants to be happy and wants everyone else to be happy. I wish every single person in the world could have a joyous life.

Dear everyone (including myself),
Don't let the outside fool you. Neither let my "big girl words". I'm still sweet and tender inside. When someone calls me a name, it still hurts. Im still learning about the world and myself. Be gentle with me, I'm trying to grow. I wish the world could see me as I am inside. A little girl who wants to learn, love, grow, explore. Who is innocent and pure. Maybe when I see myself that way the world will start to as well.

"become as little children." - Jesus

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