Friday, January 21, 2011

There are worse things I could do

So. Last night was an audition for Tuachan. And I decided that I was going to go, because I want to open every door possible. I want to audition for everything (as long as I don't have to drop out of school to do it). And so with the much needed encouragement of my wonderful boyfriend, I went to the audition, not as prepared as I could have been or should have been, but still going.

I haven't been cast in the last few shows I've auditioned for and I haven't been sure why. Each time I felt so so so good about how the callbacks went. I had people tell me I rocked it and yet, no roles. So I prayed and read my P-blessing and then felt more confused... because all I felt and read was these few phrases over and over "Jessica, you have this talent for a reason, I've got plans for you that I've told you will effect a lot of people. Read it again." and from praying I've felt "This makes you happy, it makes others happy, and music is a heavenly thing." So after that I got to work, I started going to the gym more, doing my recorded voice lessons two or three times a week, eating better and practicing my dance moves :) And its made all the difference for me about how I feel about ME.

Back to Tuachan. So at the audition I went in and sang "there are worse things I could do" they then asked me to sing something "softer". So I sang "somethings are meant to be" in my most princess voice. They then said "Alright we'd like you to come to callbacks on Sat, please go to this website and download the sides and songs for Rizzo." I kindly thanked them and when I walked out of the room I almost cried. Because here's the thing... no one else was called back right after singing auditions. They normally wait till after they see you dance to see if they want to call you back. I was the only one who they called back right away. And me feeling good about that has nothing to do with anyone else. It is about that I showed something so special that they wanted to see it again, even if my dancing was horrid. And for someone who has been doubting herself and her talents for the last few months that is huge. 

The Dance. Holy dance audition. It was so fast and pretty hard. Harder than the dance I learned for the National tour of Hairspray. I hadn't eaten all day because I get to nervous and I didn't want to get sick, so doing that dance with no food was hard! But it was so fun as well. I thought I did pretty well. I felt good about it and had fun. So I think they saw what they needed to see.

It was a good night. I want this. I want this badly. Its scary to say that knowing what could or could not happen. But I want it.

Also I figured something out.... When I audition for something big, like Tuachan, A national tour, a major film, I don't feel as nervous... Its kinda like I think "Its a National Tour, people like Shayla and Nikki make these. What do I have to lose?" but when its a local show, ya know, not any big deal, I start to think "Crap, what if I don't make it? I mean its a show in podunk Centerville... I have to get this, if I don't what till that say about me and my talent?" Which really makes no sense... If someone doesn't put me in their show, that doesn't make my talent any less, or make me a bad person. If talent is on a scale of one to ten and you're an eight, you're always and eight, no matter who your auditioning for or what show it is. You're always an eight, unless you move up to a nine by hard work ;) You get the idea. Haha I should take my own advice huh? I'm working on that.

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