Saturday, October 23, 2010

Body Issues

Have always been big for me. And I can't promise that I am out of the woods yet but I discovered something cool today. Well it started last weekend when I staffed great life. Great life for me just makes me so much happier and more confident of who I am, and therefore more confident about my body.

Normally when I start to get down on myself about my body I think "Well Kim Kardashian and I have the same measurements except my hips and waist are both an inch or two inches smaller than hers and she is on everyones 'hot list' so I shouldn't feel bad." But this week I found myself just loving myself. In a good way. I took care of myself, was more aware of what I put into my body and was more confident. I didn't lose a single pound and I wasn't trying to. But tonight so many people said "you look great." or "it looks like you've been working out, you look awesome" or things to a similar effect.

It was amazing to see how when I loved myself it invited other people to as well. Or at least to notice my smoking hot body.

I feel like everyone should feel that way about themselves. Nope I'm not perfect. And yes I could have gone to the gym a few more times this week. But I love who I am, including my body. I wish everyone the same.

Friday, October 22, 2010


I am sick! Still. Lucky for me I have an awesome boyfriend who comes to my house and gives me delicious drinks (zero calorie vitamin water) and scary movies! And lucky that I have a cute dog named Tito who has kept me company. AND lucky that I have wonderful books.

I staffed great life part one this last weekend. It was so amazing! It was like going through it all over again. Only more exhausting. I think thats why I got sick actually. I just ran my body down. But it was worth it. I get to staff part two next weekend. I'm really excited about it.

Halloween is coming. And I am ready. I am going to be lady gaga :) I have my wig, my costume and my shoes all ready to go. Gray is being Michael Jackson, so we'll be the best pop stars ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also I am excited for Christmas season. Only ten days until I get to pull out my Christmas music. And till I can start in with the peppermint hot chocolates!!! I love Christmas time so much. It'll actually be my first with Gray :) Even though it'll be our third since knowing each other, the first year he was in Tennessee, then the next year I was in Portland plus we were kinda in a weird place. So I'm excited to have my best friend to do all the wonderful Christmas activities with :)

Keeping up with the Kardashians ends this weekend. My heart is saddened by this. I like to see what Kim wears every show... because I know if it looks good on her it'll look good on me. (I'm an inch taller than she is and a few inches smaller but pretty much the same idea) I guess I'll have to fend the fashion world all on my own.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Just the way you are

Things anyone who would like to be my friend should know about me

1. I hate liars
2. I'm the most loyal person I know.
3. Carson Twitchell is the 2nd most loyal person I know. This is why we are such good friends.
4. I like trashy TV like Keeping up with the Kardashians.
5. I'm secretly thrilled when people tell me I look like them.
6. I have a weird obsession with grapes... black grapes.
7. I'm mostly attracted to black men.
8. I hate silly movies. Like cartoon movies... I almost hated Finding Nemo until I actually saw it.
9. I always have lip gloss with me. ALWAYS.
10. 99% of the time I have extra spearmint gum on me.
11. I have two guitars in my apt.
12. I like purple.
13. I'm actually shy.
14. I'm not shy because I'm not confident. I'm shy because I already have friends and I don't trust new people easily.
15. I don't like it when people say they "love me" when we've never even had a real conversation. I get the whole "love everyone" thing and I guess it some form I do have a little bitty bit of love for almost everyone, but not enough to say "love ya" to them.
16. For years I didn't like to touch anyone. Sometimes I still don't.
17. I'm hopelessly romantic.
18. Sometimes I don't think I want kids. Then I remember that I will someday.
19. Mostly I think the above because I'm not good with babies.
20. I'm not good with babies because they can't talk to me and tell me what they need.
21. I'm big on communication. If you have a problem just tell me.
22. Never beat around the bush. Its a waste of time.
23. I love earrings.
24. I will always love my mothers bed more than mine. Its always more comfortable.
25. I don't like going to sleep. But I love sleeping.
26. I'm LDS but I have gay friends. SURPRISE we aren't crazy.
27. If there was a riot against that stupid Boyd K Packer riot I would have gone.
28. I love my gay friends. They are wonderful people... most of them.
29. I don't judge. I leave that for Jesus.
30. If I'm really comfortable around you, I'll start acting like a little kid and talking like one.
31. I like animals a lot, like this bunny

Monday, October 4, 2010

Rain Rain Rain

Today I have nothing to do. Literally nothing. And I don't like that at all. I wish that I had work today or that I had rehearsal for something.

I am feeling the loneliness start. I love living where I do and I love love love the city, and I am enjoying my classes so much. But today I am feeling tender about leaving BYU and all the people. Even though most of the people I love most also left, I miss having us all together... I miss being at Ben, Dallin and Johns apartment everyday with Pj. I miss singing together in the RB, I miss dancing in studios at all hours of the night. I miss watching TV shows with my mom a few nights a week. Its hard going from this elite program where literally everyone in your major is your friend and you know every single person in your major, to not knowing anyone in your classes, and I don't live in the dorms so its harder to make friends.

I guess what I'm saying is I miss friends. Being in a serious relationship is wonderful, its been one of the greatest joys so far in my life. But it leaves little room for as close of friendships as you had before. This is why I loved girls night so much this summer. Because I was able to have a night completely dedicated to my friendships, particularly my friendships with girls. Girls night hasn't happened in a while... :( hopefully it can start again. I feel a twinge of jealousy every time a table of girls comes into the restaurant to eat, or when its just two women sitting at talking over dessert. Brooke and I used to do that... now she is states away. I need girls.

Maybe the rainy day is just rubbing off on me.