Thursday, October 22, 2009

Falling behind

I'm falling behind in school. So I chose to spend tonight writing a paper and not hanging out with friends. And I did actually write the paper! Thats a big step for me. Because I am of the thinking that school is not my life. It is not the most important thing. If it comes to choosing between hanging out or doing homework, hands down I will choose to hang out. Because life is about the experiences you have, the people in your life. Not about how you score on a test. BUT I came to the realization tonight that although school isn't the most important thing... it is important. And I should be acting like it is. So I'm starting now. I can't change the past, but I can change my future. I am changing my future.

Also, I am extremely happy. So so so happy. I don't know why, but I'm not fighting it this time. I'm not sabotaging my happiness anymore. Maybe it'll hurt, maybe I'm stupid for trusting. But I am happy, and I feel it coming from inside myself as well as from the outside. Knowing that I can change right now. Choose to change my life, to be better, work harder, love truer, is making me happy/thrilled/excited/nervous.

Another feeling coming from within is gratitude. I have some of the greatest people on earth supporting me. For real. My mother and I have been through some ups and downs (welcome to any mother daughter relationship) but it feels so good that its settling into a place that I hope it will stay for a while. Its like having a best friend who just so happens to have 50 years of life experiences with a motherly twist. But I feel like she sees me as an adult, which is a bit scary... but also it gives me a lot of confidence. Ya I'll mess up, I'm new at the adult thing. But she knows that, and is letting me learn my own lessons, and is waiting with a band-aid. (often in the form of a good talk paired with good food)

I'm missing my girls. Brooke and Sarah. I don't have many girl friends here... all my friends are gay boys. Literally. I love them with all my heart, and they have helped me through lots of things. But I would give anything for a few really good girl friends. Oddly though, for me, its scarier finding new girl friends than finding new boys to hang out with. Hopefully God will send me courage and some awesome girls :)

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Great Life

For the past four days I have been a part of this amazing training. Its called Great Life. Its run out of Salt Lake City, and I heard about it from my best friend Pj Schwartz. His mom, dad and older brother had all done all three parts of Great Life. They all said their lives had been changed so much, for the better. And we could all see such a huge difference in them. So Pj, Gretchen, Holly, Ben and I all decided that it was something we wanted to be a part of. At first I wasn't really sure if I believed it would be that life changing. But now that its over, I can honestly say that I don't remember feeling this free from baggage or powerful in my whole life. I feel ready to live in my life now, ready to accept and own my power. I had the chance to let go of all the baggage I have been holding on to, I have let go of limiting beliefs that I had about myself and about life. There are three parts, I have just been to the first one, but I can't wait to go to the second session. I'm now just finding ways to raise the money to do it. But it will happen.
I am living a great life.

Saturday, October 3, 2009


Yesterday was my 21st birthday :) It was the best birthday I have ever had, seriously I don't think it could have been more perfect. When I got to school a few of my friends and I went and got "Birthday breakfast!!!" Kids at BYU are so funny haha anyway then I was able to spend some time with my mom, we did a little shopping, had some food. It was just good.
I knew I was going to dinner with my best friend PJ later that night, so I got all dressed up and we went out. While at dinner he said "So this is supposed to be a surprise, but I just have to tell you. We are taking you on a scavenger hunt!" and so I thought I knew what was going to happen that night. So he takes me to the car, blind folds me and starts driving. Finally he parks, leads me someplace, and I have NO IDEA where we are at. He rips off my blindfold and there are tons of people and they yell "Surprise! Happy Birthday!" and balloons and confetti are flying everywhere!!!!!! Biggest surprise of my life!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly it felt like a movie.
Me and all my friends danced for hours, drank mocktails, and had the best time. The decorations were perfect, the color scheme was Pink Black and Silver. All my favorites! And my cake. OH MY GOODNESS. Perfection. It was black with pink and silver polka-dots. And it had sparkler candles on it!!!! It was just like that show, My super sweet 16. Except I was turing 21 haha.
It was the best party I have ever been to, I couldn't have planned it better myself. It was perfect. I can't even get over it! Thank you thank you thank you!!!! I am so lucky :)